We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
