You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
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