chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
