do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
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You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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