There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
