erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she told me i tasted like america
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We need to get me chipped asap
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
