Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
