Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
