We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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