I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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