Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
