OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My pussy is not your playground.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
