i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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