My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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