Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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