Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
