I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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