it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
