I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
