I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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