birth control should be required to get into college
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
