planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
