I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
