Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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