Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.