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She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
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