YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister