I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK