Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
