i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
