Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
