the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
