can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
