I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
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I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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