Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
