you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's blow job season.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
