My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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