I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
