that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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