See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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