he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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