Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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