Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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