If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
