so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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