Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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