You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize