I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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