he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were destined to go to rehab together
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
