He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
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He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
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Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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