We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
