i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
