Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
