I CAN MOONWALK!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
