What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
