At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
