Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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