Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The police scanner is talking about you again....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
