I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
