Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
