the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
