I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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