We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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