Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
