I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
