My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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