So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
