im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
never play flip cup with pint glasses
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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