It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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