How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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