i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
