Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
