nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
