How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
