i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
