This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
