Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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