The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
