Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
