Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
