he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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