Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
