I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
