her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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