matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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