You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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