Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Operation Purity has been aborted
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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