he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
